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“Etiquette for True

Gentlemen”
“The quality of a gentleman is
measured by what he is and what he
does – never by what he has. It is a
code of instinctive decency, ethical
integrity, self-respect, and loyalty. A
knowledge of etiquette is of course
essential to one’s decent behavior,
just as clothing is essential to one’s
decent appearance.”

from Etiquette by Emily Post


“Think before you act and decide
which action you are going to take.
Once you decide which action to
take, do it sincerely, be considerate,
be respectful, and most importantly,
be honest.”

~ Peter Post

(Emily’s grandson during a luncheon on


April 13, 2006.)
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct
proceeds from good will and an acute sense of
propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all
emergencies; who does not make the poor man
conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his
obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or
deformity; who is himself humbled if necessity
compels him to humble another; who does not
flatter wealth, cringe before power, or boast of
his own possessions or achievements; who
speaks with frankness, but always with sincerity
and sympathy; whose deed follows his word;
who thinks of the rights and feelings of others
rather than his own; and who appears well in
any company; a man with whom honor is sacred
and virtue safe.
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”

A Gentleman in
Everyday Life
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Everyday Life
Checklist:
• Open and hold doors for others
• Coat please
• Help with her seat
• Take my seat
• Is this yours?
• Stand at attention
• It’s nice to meet you!
• Take my arm, I beg of you.
• Walk nearest the curb
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Everyday Life
Checklist:
• Walking two or three about
• Let me carry that.
• May I get you something?
• Always return a borrowed item
• Your watch
• Be punctual
• Apply constant verbal grace
• Mindful conversations
• Tip well and discreetly
• Any personal hygiene is strictly forbidden
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”

A Gentleman at a
Wedding or Funeral
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Wedding Checklist:
• Reply Promptly
• Be punctual, arrive early
• Do not bring a guest, unless your invitation
says,
“Your Name & Guest”
• Where to sit
• Be sure to speak to the bride, groom, and their
respective parents at the reception
• Appropriate time to leave the reception
• Gifts
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Funeral Checklist:
• Be punctual
• What to wear
• Whose funeral do you attend
• Note to the family
• Graveside services
• Attendance at wake
• Flowers . . . in lieu of . . . ?
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”

A Gentleman at a
Party or Reception
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Party or Reception Checklist:
• Nametag
• Acknowledge your acquaintances
• Address new acquaintances by their title and last
name
• Give undivided attention to whom you are
speaking
• If no tables are available, you should only have a
drink or your food in your hand – never both.
• Never remove coat; always leave it buttoned
while standing
• Don’t loosen your necktie
• Being entertained at someone’s home
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Response to Invitations:
• Reply promptly or before the date requested on the
invitation. Every invitee is obligated to respond when
an invitation includes a request. RSVP is the
abbreviation for the French phrase respondez s’il vous
plait, asking you to notify the sender of your
attendance plans.

• You are obligated to adhere to your response. Only in


real emergencies is it polite to cancel. If you have to
change your response in any way, call the host
immediately.

• Respect the invitation and don’t ask to bring (or bring)


uninvited guests. An invitation is addressed to the
people the hosts want to invite, and no one else. The
phrase “and guest” will appear in invitations for events
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”

Meeting People
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Meeting People:
• Good eye contact
• Effective handshakes
• Making proper introductions

Handshakes are vital in social situations


• Develop a comfortable handshake and keep it consistent.
• Handshakes should not be too hard, or too soft.
• Make a solid connection of the web skin between the thumb and
forefinger.
• The host or person with the most authority usually initiates the
handshake.

Eye contact is another critical factor when meeting


people
• Eye contact increases trust.
• It shows confidence and good interpersonal skills.
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Proper Introductions:
Authority defines whose name is said first. Say the name of the
most
important person first and then the name of the person being
introduced.

Introduce people in the following order:


• Younger to older
• Non-official to official
• Junior executive to senior executive
• Colleague to customer

Tips to remember:
• Keep the introduction basic.
• Remember names for future reference.
• Provide some information about the people you are introducing to
clarify your relationship with that person.
• Always carry business cards.
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Important Tip:
Know something about everything, so you will
have varied topics to talk about. Party talk
ping-pongs between politics, film, music, food
and travel, so the more you have seen, heard,
and read, the more well-expressed your
conversation will be.
The Economist is the most versatile and
unbiased weekly news publication.
The New York Times has the best arts and
culture sections.
The Wall Street Journal has the best daily
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”

Correspondence
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Written Correspondence:
Whether you have just met someone, or have known the person
for some time, it is important to follow-up within 48 hours.

Tips for effective letters or handwritten notes:


• Use quality stationery
• Use correct grammar and spelling
• Always proof for typographical errors and misspellings
• Use active words instead of passive
• Use proper structure and layout
• Avoid long sentences
• Be concise and to the point
• Do not forget to sign your letter

Letters usually contain the following elements:


• Opener - the opener should be friendly and tells the reader why you are
writing.
• Justification - the second paragraph reinforces your primary message.
• Closing - close the letter by seeking the person to act on your behalf or
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”

Mobile Telephones
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Using Your Mobile Telephone:
• Never talk in elevators, libraries, museums, restaurants,
theaters, dentist or doctor waiting rooms, places of worship,
auditoriums, football stadiums, or other enclosed public
spaces, such as hospital emergency rooms, buses,
grounded airplanes, and most importantly, in the bathroom.

• Avoid ring tones set to play La Cucaracha every time the


phone rings, as well as Beethoven’s Fifth, the Bee Gees, or
any other annoying melody.

• Leave the “Blue Tooth” earpiece in the car. It is not a


permanent fashion accessory and you are not captain of the
Star Ship Enterprise.

• Do not place your mobile telephone on a restaurant table


just in case it rings. You are not a gunslinger in the Old West
sitting down to a game of poker in a saloon.
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Using Your Mobile Telephone:
• By no means take a personal mobile call
during a business meeting. This includes
interviews and meetings with co-workers
or subordinates.

• Never “multi-task” by making calls while


shopping, banking, waiting in line, or
conducting other personal business in
public.

• Always maintain at least a 10-foot zone


from anyone while talking.
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”

A Gentleman and
His Attire
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Basic Wardrobe
Checklist:
• Navy blue blazer
• One pair of high-quality khaki trousers
• One pair of high-quality grey trousers
• One dark suit (navy or charcoal grey)
• One white, dress shirt
• Five basic dress shirts (color and conservative
patterns)
• Five high-quality ties (bright-colored and
sophisticated)
• Black cap-toe and/or wingtip (lace-up) shoe
• Black or brown slip-on loafer
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Attire Checklist:
• Hats and baseball caps
• Always wear a undershirt when wearing
a dress shirt
• Two-button versus three-button suit
jackets
• Worsted Wool is a man’s best friend
• Belts must match the shoes – brown or
black
• Socks are more important than we think
• Watch with a leather or metal band
• Lapel pin, not lapel pins (left lapel only)
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Job Interviews - Dressing the
Part:
• Conservative and understated is
critical
• Dark suit
• White shirt
• Bright-colored, sophisticated tie
• Black shoes
• Leather portfolio
• Pen
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”

A Gentleman at
Dinner
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Dinner Checklist:
• Being seated
• Napkin
• Taking orders
• Bottle of wine
• Glass of wine
• How to hold the glass
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Dinner Checklist:
• Meat
• Soup
• Bread
• Pass food to the right
(counterclockwise)
• Salt and Pepper
• Restroom
• Fork and knife at rest
• Table setting
Dinner Table Setting
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Basic Table Manners:
• Introducing yourself at a table with eight or ten
seats.

• Do not begin eating until everyone has been


served.

• It is best to order foods that can be eaten with a


knife and fork. Finger foods can be messy and
are best left for informal dining.

• When you are not eating, keep your hands on


your lap or resting on the table (with wrists on
the edge of the table).
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Basic Table Manners:
• If you need something that you cannot
easily reach, politely ask the person
closest to the item you need to pass it
to you.

• Engage in table conversation that is


pleasant but entirely free of
controversial subjects.

• Never use your mobile telephone at the


table.
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”

A Gentleman attends
the Theatre
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Theatre Checklist:
• Arrive on time
• If late, do not seat yourself until there is a
suitable break in the performance.
• Always follow the instructions of the usher.
• Do not talk or make unnecessary noise.
• Do not applaud until the end of a complete
musical number; if unsure, do not start a solo
ovation.
• While taking your seat in a crowed theatre,
face the people already seated; do not force
them to stare at your backside.
• While someone is taking their seat in a crowed
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”

EXTREME ETIQUETTE
Not Mandatory, But it
Helps
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Bonus Stuff:
• Gerbera Daisies
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Bonus Stuff:
• Be distinctive, but be discrete
• Learn how to cook at least one dish
• Learn to make mix drinks other than
hooch (Cosmopolitan, Manhattan, Vodka
Martini)
• Learn about different types of wine
• Learn what cologne she likes (use it)
and what perfume she likes (buy it)
• Learn how to ballroom dance
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Bonus Stuff:
• Learn how to play the piano, guitar,
violin, trumpet, trombone, bagpipes,
Irish whistle, kazoo or whatever. One
word, serenade!
• Learn all about what you can do to help
raise children, even if you don’t plan on
having them.
• Try being more romantic. How hard can
it be?
• Learn how to give a good massage.
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Bonus Stuff:
• Learn how to iron a shirt and use a can
of spray starch.
• Learn how to properly tie a necktie,
most importantly a bow tie.
• Use engraved stationery with your full
name and lined envelopes.
• Maintain your integrity.
• Follow “The True Gentleman”
“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”

Questions & Answers


“Etiquette for True
Gentlemen”
Reading
Recommendations
Letitia Baldrige’s New Complete Guide to Executive Manners
by Letitia Baldrige
 
As a Gentleman Would Say
A Gentleman Entertains
How to be a Gentleman: A Contemporary Guide to Common Courtesy
all three books by John Bridges

Etiquette: The Blue Book of Social Usage


by Emily Post
 
Essential Manners for Men: What to Do, When to Do It, and Why
by Peter Post

Amy Vanderbilt’s Complete Book of Etiquette


by Amy Vanderbilt