Interpersonal Communication

Session III & IV Neha Jasani

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Recap

Questions

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Persuasion in Interpersonal communication

Process of convincing people to think or act in a certain way Intentional and unintentional persuasion

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Please describe a situation where you had to PERSUADE someone to do something. How did you go about it? Were you successful? Context Action
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Result

Exercises

Listening exercise

Learning languages Raising successful children Exotic animal kingdom

http://www.esl-lab.com/learn/learnrd1.htm

Communication in action 3/16/12

Please write a One Sentence Definition of A S S E R T I V E N E S S.

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Definition of Assertiveness
An honest, direct, and appropriate expression of one's feelings, thoughts, and beliefs.

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Test Your Assertiveness

u

(1 of 3)

Can you express negative feelings about other people and their behaviors without using abusive language? Are you able to exercise and express your strengths? Can you easily recognize and compliment other peoples achievements?
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u u

Test Your Assertiveness

u u

(2 of 3)

Do you have the confidence to ask for what is rightfully yours? Can you accept criticism without being defensive? Do you feel comfortable accepting compliments? Are you able to stand up for your rights?

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Test Your Assertivenessrefuse u Are you able to (3 of 3)

unreasonable requests from friends, family, or coworkers?
u

Can you comfortably start and carry on a conversation with others? Do you ask for assistance A yes response to the when you need it ?

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questions indicates an assertive

Why Assertiveness Is Important?

u

Helps achieve individual and/or shared goals Can reach your goals maintaining your rights and dignity

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Assertive Rights
You have the right to be assertive You have the right to request that others

change their behavior if they are infringing on your rights You have the right to use your own time to answer questions You have the right to express your needs even if they are illogical
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Be aware that there are responsibilities attached to all these rights!

Whats Keeping You From Being Assertive?

Fear of change Refusal to admit your submissiveness Fear of ruining relationships Lack confidence in your ability

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What Assertiveness Is

Respect for yourself and others Honestly expressing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs Effectively influencing, listening, and negotiating with others

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What Assertiveness Is Not

Assertiveness is not aggressiveness or selfishness Is not humiliating or abusing other people and their rights It is not violating the rights of others or gaining at others expense

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Aggressivenes s Is
E Inappropriately expressing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way that violates other peoples rights E Achieving your goal by not allowing others the freedom to choose E Disrespecting others

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Are You Aggressive?

(1 of 2)

> > >

Do you become abusive, whether it be verbal or physical, when criticizing others? Do you purposely make others feel like they are incompetent or unimportant? Do you make unreasonable demands of other people?

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Are You Aggressive?

(2 of 2)

> > > >

Do you brag or exaggerate your achievements? Do you ignore the rights and feelings of other people? Do you aim to get your way at all costs? Do you often dominate conversations with others?
A yes answer to any of the questions may indicate aggressive behavior. 3/16/12

Acting Unassertiveness Is

Acting in an indirect or passive manner Permitting others to take advantage of you Thinking that you and your needs are inferior to others and their needs

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Are You Unassertive?

(1 of 2)

Do you feel guilty standing up for your

fights or expressing your feelings?

Are you unable to recognize and

acknowledge your strengths?

Are you uncomfortable with starting

or carrying on a conversation?
Do you rarely stand up for yourself?

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Are You Unassertive?

(2 of 2)

Do you have trouble saying

no to people?
Are you unable to ask other

people to perform reasonable requests for you?

Do you feel that you let A yes answer to other people take any of the questions may indicate advantage ofbehavior. you? unassertive
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What Would You Say?

Joanne is at a meeting where the topic is the profitability of the project shes been working on for three months straight. She has not said a word in the past hour. Suddenly she jumps up and accuses the boss of deliberately canceling the project based on personal dislike.

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What Would You Say?

The copier has been broken for two days. Sam asked the secretary to call in for repairs several times with no effect. He says nothing and ends up calling it in himself. After all, he thinks, shes probably too busy typing up that memo he gave her this morning.

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What Would You Say?

Bob is in line at the deli counter waiting to be served. His number is about to be called next. Suddenly, a woman steps in front of him and places her order. Bob loudly complains about the deli worker and the woman, exclaims he will never shop there again, tosses his ticket, and stalks off.

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What Would You Say?Judys boss asks her to go

on an important business trip which will carry over into the weekend of her sisters wedding. Judy feels she cant refuse her boss and plans on sending her spouse to the wedding in her place.
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What Would You Say?

George is next in line to buy tickets in a crowded movie theatre lobby. Just as his turn comes up, a man cuts in front of him and requests tickets. George meekly steps back to allow the man room and hopes he gets waited on next.

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A Passive Person

Speak softly and hesitantly Use fillers like uh and um. Avoid eye contact Allow other people in their personal space

Passive people usually:

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An Aggressive Person
Infringes on others rights, using fear and intimidation to get what he or she wants
t

Raise their voices when they lose control Shout and use language like You should and You must. Stare people down and may invade other peoples personal space 3/16/12 physically

An Assertive Person
Asserts his or her own rights in a positive, open, honest, and selfconfident manner Assertive people
H Speak calmly and confidently H Uses statements with I think and

usually:

I feel. H Maintain eye contact, have good posture and are in control
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Several Tips
Be cognizant of your expression Do not act hastily or in anger Remain calm, cool, courteous &

collected
Avoid making mountains out of

molehills
Following these simple suggestions will present you as someone who is confident & optimistic -as opposed to someone who is hostile and angry
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Six Personality Types

Hamsters. Invisible Beings. Pit-bulls. Dreamers. Whiners. Mutes.

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Do good work, get respect, BUT get nowhere when it comes to career advancement. Where do all their efforts They may be assertive go? for the organization they work for, but fall short when it comes to standing up for themselves. 3/16/12

Hamst ers

Invisible Beings
They do good work BUT nobody knows it. Their unassertiveness lets others take credit for their achievements and that leaves

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Pitbulls
Their overly aggressive behavior gets in the way of their success at work They may be good workers, but the disruption and tension they create makes them disliked and puts them on the defensive 3/16/12

Dream ers
Day-dreaming shows a lack of self control that keeps them from advancing. This lack of focus may indicate low selfesteem.

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They constantly complain about exactly what they dont like, yet expect others to speak up and change the situation They do nothing to affect the change themselves, no matter how much taking decisive actions would help remedy their complaints 3/16/12

Whin ers

Mut es
They have a problem saying no and, for that matter, much of anything at all They take everything thats given, whether they like it or not, and their passivity makes them over-worked and stressed
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Nine Types Of Assertive Response

Disagree in both a passive and active manner depending on the situation Always ask questions

Let other people understand more about you

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Nine Types Of Assertive Response

Be reasonable

Say no to any requests you are uncomfortable with

Look into the eyes

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Nine Types Of Assertive Response

Accept compliments graciously

Be friendly and sincere with the people you would like to know better; give them a chance to get to know you

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Insist on being treated fairly

What To Do When Confronted With a Problem

Controlling your emotions is the first step to helping solve, rather than magnify, this problem assertively

Get a Grip

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What To Do When Confronted With a Problem

Reach for Logic
Examine the situation carefully and make sure you have a handle on all the facts.

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What To Do When Confronted With a Problem

Dont Keep a Lid On It
Procrastination will only make it worse. Pent-up frustrations could lead to unwanted explosions

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What To Do When Confronted With a Problem

Dont Take It So Hard Remember to keep
perspective when things get sticky, and dont take things personally. It will only increase your emotional involvement and 3/16/12 hamper your ability to

Rules for Conflict Resolution

Keep a sense of humor Shoot for a winwin resolution.

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Four Steps To Saying No (1 of 2)

1. Listen to the request 2. Say no immediately 3. Give a reason for your refusal 4. Offer to find an alternative

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No is Not a Dirty Word

If something makes you feel uncomfortable or if you feel the request is unreasonable, then it is Remember: your prerogative to refuse.
You are not saying no to the whole person, but only to part of the relationship which makes you feel uncomfortable. X No does not require 3/16/12 an explanation.
X

Letting Other People Know How You Feel

4 While remaining cool and collected, try to explain your point of view. 4 Use terms like I feel and I think rather than It should be or It must.

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Dont Get Mad...

' ' Anger may seem like a quick fix Yelling will only come back to haunt you later

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First Impressions

Slouching, avoiding eye contact, can show a lack of self confidence

This kind of self-

presentation can perpetuate a cycle of nonassertive behavior

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You Can Change Your Habits

Identify what you want to change about yourself 2. Set a goal 3. Control your fears and anxieties 4. Aim for a success that is manageable at first 5. Keep a record to monitor your progress 6. Practice, practice, practice!
1.

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Dont lose sight of your goal, and remember that upkeep is a life-long

Game Plan

Analyzing your skills How do you plan to improve you Interpersonal communication skill Mention the time frame

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Evaluation

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Interpersonal Communication
Session V & VI Neha Jasani

Click to edit Master subtitle style

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Assignment evaluation

Peer evaluation

Story Overall presentation and written comm

Faculty evaluation

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Interpersonal Communication

Power Technology Culture

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Culture and communication

Culture and communication are inseparable The core of stand-point theory Enculturation Acculturation In-group/out-group identification

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Achievement vs. Nurturing

Achievement culture

Places high value on material success and a focus on the task at hand regards the support of relationships as an important goal a. Hard cultures: Japan, Switzerland, and Germany.

Nurturing culture

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Individualist vs. Collectivist

Individualist cultures

Value individual accomplishments characterized by self-reliance and competition (Examples: U.S., Canada, Australia and Great Britain.)

Collectivist cultures

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Feel loyalties and obligations to an in-

The process of interpersonal communication - Mark Knapp

Initial encounter Experimenting

Intensifying- further pursuing Integration- intense friendships, close business partnerships, romantic commitments Bonding

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Reverse pattern

Differentiating Circumscribing stage Stagnating stage Avoidance stage Termination

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The Negotiation Process

Always try to negotiate for at least15 minutes Offer to let the other party speak first Respect and listen to what your opponent has to say Acknowledge what the other party says Pay attention to your own and your counter partner's body language
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Case study and analysis

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Last-minute strong-arm tactics

Walking out of the room Offering a short-term bribe Telling you to take it or leave it Giving an ultimatum Abrupt change in tone Introducing new requests Adopting the Mr. Nice Guy persona

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Preparation

What is my main objective? What are all of the alternatives I can think of? Why do I deserve to

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Resolve previous conflicts ahead of time Deal with issues, not personalities Listen A common mistake is to prepare one's next question or point while the opponent is speaking Establish trust in the onset
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Collaborative Negotiating

Gender differences in nterpersonal communication

Men and Women communicate very differently almost as though they come from different planets At times they would perceive the same message to have different meanings

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Men are from Mars,

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Listening exercise

Learning languages Raising successful children Exotic animal kingdom

http://www.esl-lab.com/learn/learnrd1.h

Last Lecture- Lessons learned

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Skit topics in the past

If speaking is silver, then listening is gold. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. "Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream. "The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.

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Generic theme

Styles of communication Conflict resolution using effective communication Cultural difference as a barrier of communication Gender Differences in Interpersonal communication Negotiation
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Evaluation Guidelines

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Quiz

Language barriers- Difference in terminology Topics of the previous sessions

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POA BAU TGIF BID AKA ASAP KISS RSVP SWOT USP DINK FMCG COB EOD DIY

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