NEXT LEVEL CHRISTIAN CENTER

helping people succeed

MAKING YOUR MARRIAGE WORK

DR. TAYO ONALEYE

SCRIPTURES
GENESIS 2.18-25 HEBREWS 13.4

 A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE IS LIKE A MAGNIFICENT BUILDING......BUILT BY SOMEONE-Heb 3.4

ITS LIKE SUCCESS IN FINANCES.....YOU HAVE TO LEARN IT......AND WORK ON IT YOU ALSO HAVE TO UNLEARN THE ERRORS YOU HAVE PICKED UP BY ASSOCIATION WITHOUT LEARNING, YOU WILL REPEAT THE ERRORS OF YOUR ANCESTORS

PRINCIPLES
1. GET THE FOUNDATION RIGHT ....if the foundation be destroyed, Matt 7.2427
Ask God for help in choosing Dont marry an unbeliever...2Cor 6.14-18

2. Put God at the center of your marriage

HE was the One who said it was not good for the man to be alone, the One who founded the institution..... Hold Gods Word in high esteem Make Jesus the Alpha and Omega Make the Holy Spirit your companion

3. Get the structure right

The husband is the head Eph. 5.22-24
No human institution will succeed without clearly defined leadership
Husband headship is not superiority but primarily administrative.....someone has to be held responsible In the home the wife is primarily supportive.....take the lead with your husbands permission and support NOTE: The only place where a man is the head of a woman is the home....the only man that is a womans head is her husband (1Cor11.3)

4. MATURITY
.......LEAVE your father and mother........Gen 2.24
You cannot cleave until you leave Become a better version of yourself.....Work on yourself..... Keep growing in every area spiritually, socially, financially, career, physically (your health)......FAILURE TO GROW MAKES YOU A LIABILITY Continuous self improvement Continuous life-long learning to improve you and your marriage......your marriage will always mirror/reflect you.....problem in a marriage is an accurate reflection of at least one of the partners

 Work on your character. You can be attracted to someones GIFT, but you end up living with their FRUITS The fruits of the spirit are more desirable in marriage than the gifts of the spirit....the gifts are for public manifestation, the fruits, for private consumption

5. COMMITMMENT
.......CLEAVE unto his wife ..... .....make up your mind that your own marriage will work. Five commitments you must make
Commitment to God Commitment to continuous personal improvement Commitment to your own spouse Commitment to your children Commitment to your home

6. LIMIT THE INFLUENCE OR INTRUSIONS OF THIRD PARTIES.....

The man shall leave his father and mother before he shall cleave to his wife The pros and cons of extended family systems Many marriages have been ruined by 3rd parties The man has to rise up to protect his home Quickly call any erring relation to order or send them packing......there was a dimension of blessing Abraham did not experience until Lot was separated from him....there could be peace and prosperity eluding you because of third parties in your home Strike a balance

7. EXPECT AND ACCOMMODATE DIFFERENCES

HE MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE...HE MADE THEM DIFFERENT....HE DID IT YOUR SPOUSE IS DIFFERENT DIFFERENT TEMPERAMENT, BACKGROUND, EDUCATIONAL LEVEL DIFFFERENT NEEDS YOU MAY HAVE DIFFERENCES THAT WILL NEVER BE RESOLVED....THATS JUST THE WAY THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8. FOCUS ON GIVING
......it is more blessed to give than to receive....for God so loved that He gave
Selfishness (self-centeredness) is one of the biggest causes of marital failures Help your spouse become the best they could be Challenge your spouse to a higher version of themselves Release your spouse to FLY Nurture your spouse Make continuous deposit in their emotional bank account Find out your spouses love language...what makes them feel loved COMPROMISE, SACRIFICE....Eph 5.25...love your wife as Christ loved the church..that He lay down His life for her

9. BUILD TOGETHER
Leverage is one of the purposes of marriage...two are better than one...two shall chase 10 thousand...if two of you shall agree as touching anything Develop common vision, common goals, family projects Do things together.... Doing things together bonds people......vacation, relaxation, personal projects, hobbies, retreats, coming to church Celebrate together....birthdays......anniversaries, schedule regular/routine/special timeouts, play together FIGHT TOGETHER- Youre not fighting each other but your common adversary or challenges There is power in unity...if two of you shall agree concerning ANYTHING

10. USE WORDS CONSTRUCTIVELY

Death and life are in the power of the tongue......God created and sustains this world by His words...John 1, Heb 11.3....since youre created in the image of God you create and sustain your own marriage by your words........Words are spirits Every marriage will eventually be an outcome of the words that permeate that relationship.......you can predict the outcome of a marriage just by listening to the words flowing between the couple Three Cs to avoid:
COMPLAINING CRITICISING CONDEMNING

Appreciate your spouse.....say THANK YOU Prophesy good things over your marriage Cover your marriage spiritually with your tongue....pray over your spouse and family

11. RESOLVE ISSUES THROUGH EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

....Matthew 18
Talk about things youre not satisfied with...dont just get angry and withdraw Listen when your spouse has a complain Forgive Accept it when youre wrong and say IM SORRY Resolve RECURRING issues......many marriages collapse because of inability to get past a recurring decimal
MAJOR AREAS OF RECURRING DECIMALS (DISCUSS)

TOP 5 MAJOR AREAS OF RECURRING ISSUES

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. MONEY SEX IN-LAWS COMMUNICATION CHILDREN

12. SEEK EXTERNAL HELP WHEN NECESSARY

.....in the multitude of counsellors there is safety HELP! -persistently unresolved issues -domestic violence -infidelity -unexplainable sudden changes -unhealthy 3rd party intrusions

THANK YOU